Marriage is Not One Long First Date!

Posted on June 30, 2017 in Marriage Counseling

Marriage-is-Not-One-Long-First-Date

As a society, I think we are very confused about what we are doing with our permanent relationships. We have more knowledge available to us than ever before, but we seem to have lost a corresponding amount of wisdom! People used to know that sometime during the first part of marriage the “honeymoon would be over”, and the couple would have to then begin adjusting themselves to the long, arduous, difficult situation that is marriage.

The process began by building a home together, a family together, and a life together, and it was not easy. It was never supposed to be. At some point in the marriage, you will need a reason other than your feelings for your spouse to stay married, because you will want to flee. You will want to trade in your spouse for another person who will pay attention to you and meet your needs.

That is normal, but think twice before you actually do that.

That new person is going to turn into a spouse too at some point. You will have problems, because you are supposed to have problems. (I am not talking about physical abuse.) Before you yield to the temptation to trade your marriage in for a first date –stop– dig deep, endure, change, learn, develop as a person, and hopefully manage to love that person who is very different from yourself, and who doesn’t appreciate you or “deserve” your love.

Marriage is not a good way to “get your needs met”. However, it is a very good way to grow and change. I don’t care how cute and darling you were when you were twenty – you can’t stay there. When things get tough, we can overcome the temptation to go back to when things were fun and we were cute, and appreciated, etc., and we can learn to go forward.

Don’t be afraid to stay married when your friends and family are telling you to get divorced. They are saying that because they don’t want you to be miserable, and that is their “quick and easy” answer. There really are benefits to and deep rewards in marriage that outweigh any first date, no matter how thrilling it is. What do you think they are?

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