Dating When You’ve Lived and Learned

Posted on July 21, 2017 in Marriage and Relationships, Marriage Counseling

If you are a woman in her 40’s and older, I want to share a few things with you that may help get your next relationship off to a great start.

First of all, let yourself have the necessary time to heal from and process through your last relationship. If it ended badly, allow yourself to process through all of that so the next man in your life is not asked to make up for what the last man did. You need to be ready to meet someone knowing who you are and what you want out of a relationship. What I mean by that is that you are ready to take responsibility for your side of the relationship and you are ready to get to know him for who he is, and not who you “need him to be”. He needs to have a chance from the beginning to be someone other than a person who is going to be asked to “fill in” that place in your life that someone else used to be in, or to heal the place the other man wounded. In other words, make sure you have processed through what you need to, and are ready to have a different relationship. You are a different person because of what you’ve learned, and you have a lot to offer the right man.  And yes, they are out there. They too are looking for the right woman.

If a man likes you, he will want to impress you and give you things. He will want to know that you have needs that he can fill. He will want to be your hero. This doesn’t mean he won’t be impressed by your accomplishments or that he doesn’t want to support you or that he doesn’t see you as capable. But be careful not to give the impression that you do not need one single thing from a man, because he wants to find someone who needs him and appreciates what he wants to do for you. So, be impressed when he tells you about his accomplishments. Don’t choose that moment to one-up him. You can share your accomplishments too, but be sure to allow him to have his moment. Allow him to do things for you, and be sure to let him know you appreciate him. This kind of special consideration lets the man know he is safe in your presence and that he may have hit the jackpot, and found that elusive prize he has been searching for all his life – a smart, accomplished woman who appreciates him for who he is, and who he can shower with all the love he has to give. He doesn’t have to worry about competing with you. It is safe for him to love you.  Don’t let the past determine the future. Learn, move on, and find the love that is there for you.

Please make an appointment with me to help you prepare a place for and welcome the right man into your life.

Photo credit:
Thomas Kelley

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